The GreenGrinch has a plan
After the Grinch failed to
steal Christmas,
The King of Grinchdom was
very upset with him,
He hadn’t stopped that
infernal singing,
He hadn’t enslaved or
dispossessed them,
Or put them to work in Grinchville factories
Or made them fight in
Grinchine wars.
Instead he’d given them
back all that well taken loot!
and acted very un Grinchlike, such an uppity snoot!
“We can’t have Grinches
who act like Who’s
They might get liberal,
they might laugh and smooze.
We can’t have who’s who
don’t know their place,
To be poor and stupid and
work for our race.”
So indeed drummed him out
of their society.
And gathered in their retreats
to figure out a strategy.
He was quite content
because his heart had become so big
He quite preferred Whoville
But the King of the
Grinches didn’t know what to do.
Their king asked his council; “What will we do?”
WE still despise
Christmas,
And Hanukah, and Ramadan,
And Marzipan, fruitcake,
milkshakes, eggnog and fun.
WE still despise people
getting together,
and quite enjoying the nasty weather.
Unless they are rich like Duke GreenGrinch.
And Duke GreenGrinch spoke up:
"Would that he were just
acting, he had a very good plan.
Act nice and they went to sleep and he had it all there.
The key is that he made the mistake to actually care.
He dressed like Santa, and
they bought the whole lie.
And didn’t look twice when he stole everything around.
Ah, I have an idea now how
to make this all right!
An Army of Grinches to descend on the Capital!"
The GreenGrinch
executes
So he went to his treasury
and called all his guards,
And started investing in
pork and lards,
Then called all his
advisors,
and all of his youngest Grinch-lairds,
and he sent them to school to learn PR and business,
and he bought up schools, colleges and created institutions to schmooze
And with Grinches for
teachers, he taught Who’s to be Grinches,
They learned about bottom lines, cost cutting and money,
and were taught that Christmas was quaint and quite funny.
And this thing called marketing made them pretend to love it.
While using it to sell soap, and guns and bombs.
And he bought all the
newspapers and put Grinches in charge,
It wasn’t so hard, they flocked to his standard.
And he bought a thing
called TV, and radio, and ambitious whovians.
He trained an army of
Grinch lawyers to put poor whovians in jail,
And make sure this thing
called justice would serve Grinches without any fail.
Then he assembled an army
of Grinches to march on Washington,
Wearing tailored uniform
suits, Grinch smiles, and beating little Grinch hearts,
They said “The Whovians are making war on Christmas” year after year,
until even the whovians believed it, in their irrational fear.
Now his army was ready,
the plans were in place.
No need for a sleigh, the army had portfolios and briefs at the ready.
And they marched on Washington
with abandon and glee,
They were going to save it
from Christmas!
The Grinches were ready!
So they marched on the
city and filled all it’s halls,
And stole all of it’s
money, and painted all of it’s walls.
They still put up the
lights and the carols and trees,
But the carols blazed out
of boom boxes, recorded years ago,
And were sung by Grinches
who rewrote the language!
You had Rancid Previousgrinch,
and his dog Baymore,
the Drunk prince of the
House,
And Duke Greengrinch,
all fat and smiling like a cat.
You had Rupert Grinchdock
with his newspapers and radio,
And his army of Grinches
marching in tow.
The Grinch Cantor was
singing, Grinch Ryan leading the song.
GrinchConnell lead the
singing and the Grinch press the chorus.
The music was Christmas,
but the lyrics all were wrong:
“Deck the halls with balls and chains, fa la la la la la la la la
‘tis the season for whips
and chains, falalalalalalala
Now yon carrion wants a
job! Lob him out! In the snow, tra la la.
We serve our master King
Greengrinch, fa la la la la, la la la.”
And their legions
descended on Washington and thoroughly trashed the place.
Oh I wish there was a
happy ending here, but there isn’t.
If you see them for what
you are, you’ll soon be seeing double;
You see the Grinches are
still in charge, and you and we are in trouble.
They stole Christmas
again, and nobody noticed.
Happy Hanukah, merry
Christmas, joyous Kwanza and a better new year, I hope.
Story References Doctor
Sues’s book “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” rest is parody, pure fiction, and
mostly my own imagination.